Why Having Bad Days Are Actually Good

There I was, in front of my foreign language class, expressing faint forgetfulness of the imperfective adjective before me. I had asked my classmates for help, and whether they were completely silent because of shock, disbelief because "how do you not know that?", one assisted but went quiet again. 10 pairs of eyes were staring at me. To top it off, I was met with an apprehensive professor who appeared rather disappointed when I asked him for the spelling of the word. What you may not know is, I had been absent from class due to grievance of a loved one. No matter how much I have communicated this to my professors, emails and documentation, me pulling myself out of grief to muscle through problem solving and writing paper after paper-no one completely knew what I was actually going through. On bad days like this, I try to not internalize the feedback from others. I may be seen as lazy, a student who does not deserve to be there, embarrassing--but that is all voices from my head. Getting my schoolwork had become a struggle, and remembering certain things I have studied had become complete garbage fire. 

Bad days remind me that self compassion is there when needed, if I cried in the middle of that awkward moment where everyone just stared at me when I had admitted I had no clue what the word I was attempting to solve is (and initially, a few students told me it was my turn to go up, and our professor insistent), I was completely and utterly out of my depth in that moment. But it does bot make me a bad student or a bad person. And yes--I know, the whole concept of being a bad person on the basis of not getting something right away or just being vulnerable, is an actually thing if you haven't experienced it. Little fickle moments come up to remind us we may not be so good; Afterall, you may have developed that in childhood, in a relationship, by family, or situations. We are commonly told: we are not good enough. So when we are met with bad days, bad situations, or mistakes we couldn't avoid, these words of doubt and self deprivation comes forth to remind us just how imperfect we are, and how imperfect people may perceive us as. But I am here to tell you, all your worse triggers, worse anxiety attacks, and bad days are just a cluster of information that is telling you what you need in that moment. It is not what you need from others (not completely) but what you need for yourself. 

Take life in Small Doses 

Amanda Steels couldn't have said it better when she expressed in Small Doses, “Contrary to popular belief, no matter who you are, or what walk of life you come from, in this lifetime we all go through a lot of shit, and instead of facing it head on, a lot of us simply do what we can to actively ignore it and keep it moving…Others don't even acknowledge the trials they've faced. They treat struggling like an unwanted child wizard and hide it in a cabinet under the stairs, wash their hands of it, and go about their daily life. However, inevitably, it outgrows the cabinet, it's at the bottom of the bottle, or it's right there at the finish line, meeting you face to face.” Mental Wellness is a term I have heard a lot about, as I stroll through my feed on Instagram, or TikTok, I am constantly bombarded with the reality of toxic positivity. The need to fix things, to always be aware of our faults. But the true remedy we need is self compassion, instead of constant self-intellectualism.

 We need to sit with these awful and terrible feelings, and understand the root cause of our triggers, not through the gage of needing to be fixed, but through seeing ourselves as human beings that need to pause in life sometimes. Self actualization is not entirely a bad thing, it can be useful in small measures. If we can meet the pain we are continuously faced with, and knowledge it, that is the first step. What happens next is not complete and radical revelation and healing like social media may lead you to believe; what it is, is a journey of self acceptance and compassion. Regardless of what others may think or believe of you, you know what you are going through, how it makes you feel, and no self help book can get you to realize this but yourself. It takes internal work to accept the triggers you are faced with. Holding spaces for these uncomfortable feelings, for circumstances that have you feel exposed and unworthy, or dissociative, is your body telling you- you need to take care of you. But you do not need to be fixed-you need rest, and you seen to pour love into yourself in order to recharge. 

We are Late to the Phenomena of Self Love and its not Our Fault 

During the craze of HBOs hit show, Euphoria, I recall my roommates being excited during movie night to grab their popcorn and sit on the couch to watch the endeavors of Rue along with other characters. It exposes youth, even adulthood, as college students we can see ourselves in these characters, whether to not its centered around drug or not, we can account to times when we feel like we are about to break, and these feelings are completely valid. I recall Rue stating to , "Your play was the first time I can look at my life and not hate myself, for everything I have ever done." Many state this show should take place within college and I completely agree. I also would say this is a overexerted version of teens. The truth is, we all should have been taught how to love ourselves in middle school or during childhood. It is never our fault why we react the way we do-when we don't understand the severity of what we are dealing with. Emotional regulation is a foreign word for most college students, due to never being exposed or taught it. Our self compassion is a way of parenting ourselves, catering to our needs regardless of how others may see us. Humanizing ourselves. We are living in a fallen world, with broken adults who raise broken adults. It is a cycle that keeps given until someone allows themselves to feel all of the hurt and pain that has been falling their family line for years. I know-dramatic, but these self destructive behaviors, the anxiety, the mental illness we all face is a factor of generational trauma. Until we stop and immense our beings in the pain, and reality of how we feel, we can truly understand why we do what we do, and respond correctly. 

Being OK Is Not Always Linear

Let That Sh*t Go, Nina Purewal and Kate Petriw speak on the value of self love, "Loving yourself helps to keep you on firm ground. When you start to practise selflove, the chatty ashole in your head stops talking so much, and you begin to get to know yourself better. This can help you in a couple of ways: you can make more informed decisions about what you want and need, and you can avoid taking external feed. back or comments too seriously. At the end of the day, you just start to enjoy yourself more. And that's an awesome thing, because guess who you get to spend the rest of your life with? The amazing you." Sometimes we will have great days, other days through unfortene cirustances, we will have the worse days ever, but understand that you are not a indivdual that needs to be fixed. Feel these emotions, take a step back, journal, dance, hang with friends, breathe, and know you are alive, you are ok despite the things you are experiencing.