Death
The reality of death can be the most tough unfathomable thing that can happen to anyone and their loved ones. Waiting your beloved family member or friend's phone calls, visiting their house where they lived, and even remembering all the activities you used to do together is all to familiar to me. I understand the pain, the loss, it feels like a apart of you is missing, like the world is permanently over and nothing will ever be the same-and that is true. I read somewhere that, grief never goes away, live just finds away to live around it. Grief contorts, and turns into the strangest shapes when we mourn our loved ones. The five stages of grief are not linear either, most days you will go through anger, sadness, self blame and even disbelief-even years after the passing. Our Grandfather Story creates documented films and reports of overlooked narratives across Southeast Asia. The producers had documented a powerfully moving video of a woman named Michelle 'Mike' Ng, who had decided to have a living funeral in the wake of her rapid decline due to a rare cancer condition.
Living Funerals
As I watched the vulnerable and overwhelming film of Michelle speaking to family, and her family discussing how they have impacted her and how friends have come to know her, it exposes just how fickle life can be. Michelle's acceptance of the outcome of her life is makes this possible. Living funeral so she can meet everyone, hear everyone, and everyone remembers. She smiles, hugs and speaks with sorrow in her eyes, but her energy can not be overlooked throughout the video. Michelle's strength is certainly to be admired. She brings different outlook on death and presents it in a way of taking control of the emotions and meeting it head on. I always wondered why we wait to live loved ones flowers once they pass, and why we say rest in peace, why can't we celebrate each other when we are here now and pray for peace over our loved ones while they remain alive? Granted, some deaths can not be predicted, some come out of the blue and strike us in the gut when we hear the words, "they are gone." But Michelle has given us the gift to look at grief and death as a life circumstance that has to be felt and has to be dealt with.
Our Grandfather's Story: My Final Goodbye Before I Die
Commentary with Michelle about why she decided to do a 'living funeral,' and how it all felt through her perspective seeing everyone. It is a very touching moment, and I commemorate the producers of OGS for capturing the rawness and vulnerability of this moment and the strength of Michelle to speak of such a taboo and life changing moment. She is 29 years old, and she is dealing with a drastic outcome.
Video credited to Our Grandfather's Story Instagram
Life as it is now
We live in a society that is used to blocking people at the drop of the time, not communicating, not looking at each other and expressing we love each other. I have seen people ignored in social groups, I have seen people were are absent that people do not care to ask about. We are living in such a disconnected, unstable reality that demands love, and vulnerability. In Singapore, similar to other countries, families come together and mourn their loved one. On the other hand, according to Harmony Funeral Care, "there are two lengths of mourning period for Singaporean Chinese culture, they generally mourn for 49 or 100 days. During this time, people in mourning are discouraged from attending happy occasions and not permitted to wear red, yellow or brown clothes." The act of mourning a loved one collectively for months is a traditional practice that shows the importance of community. Through the pain, and ache we can help each other and remember the moments we had with that individual. It's crucial to recognize the value of meaningful human connections and to actively work towards fostering them. This can involve taking the time to truly listen to others, showing empathy, and expressing gratitude and affection openly. Building strong social bonds not only enriches our lives but also contributes to a more compassionate and supportive community.
Memories and the Community
As you watch Michelle describing these moments, think of all you loved ones, your friends, the world around you, and what they mean to you. We go through the motions and we forget to spend time with those in our lives who mean the most to us. Community is powerful, and I often feel like it is overlooked in this society. There is jealousy, competition, weird looks, judgement and hyper critics we cast upon one another. But life is so much bigger than fickle feelings and holding grudges. We must come together and truly see each other, and have compassion. You never know who is experiencing or who will experiencing such dire realties like Michelle. You do not know how much it takes for someone to come out of bed, to shower. We never know what someone is dealing with. We must take care of each other. Thank you Michelle for your strength and insight. Reflecting on Singapore's cultural practices during times of loss can offer valuable insights into fostering connection and vulnerability in our own communities. In many Asian cultures, including Singaporean culture, there's often a strong emphasis on community support and collective grieving. Practices such as attending funerals, offering condolences, and providing practical assistance to the bereaved are deeply ingrained. We can learn so much from Michelle and her family. Encouraging a culture of empathy and support can start with small actions, such as reaching out to those who seem isolated or offering a listening ear to someone in need. By fostering genuine connections and prioritizing empathy, we can work towards creating a more connected and compassionate society.
We wish our deepest condolences for Michelle 'Mikey' Ng's family during these times. May Michelle Rest in Peace.
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